Sally. If that happened , all their stories of how you were the crazy monster and them the victim would fall apart before their very eyes . My N ex left me. ITS realy like addiction. I used to wish I was the other woman at first until I fully accepted that my ex was a Narc/Psychopath (diagnosed). Not a friend I want to keep, thank you very much. Anon, my comments were taken way out of context. Next time you have the urge to reach out, its probably a good idea to write him an email or hand-written letter, but then dont send it. My answer was.. Ok but remember and dont forget your words and feelings anymore then. I tried to force myself to like a guy or date and I got nothing as if I channneled the narcissist and this must be how he feels. This fallout is something I will deal with on a daily basis for the rest of my life and theirs and it breaks my heart. We were long distance, and I seen her a grand total of five weekends is all. You cannot have a healthy relationship with a Narc. I say this because my ex was an undiagnosed BPD. His mask falls so quick when he cant get what he wants. I know i should not do that. I told him to F off and all hope I ever had for him was done. Getting rid of this guy is the only hope you have for a future. I remain perpetually on the fence about him! Either way, you might want to try some of the healing tools here on the site, and check out the suggestions in my recent article, http://letmereach.com/2014/10/06/why-do-i-feel-so-attached-to-my-narcissistic-ex/. Once a strong vivacious Women, now stricken-ed with various illness after being pressed under the thumb for so longI didnt figure it out until he had already stolen so much. She has control of me Im a copper too! I agree. Get out while youre still sane. She hasnt shed a tear since I walked out after finding out about the affair. I hate this "man". Mothers of their children, doesn't matter. This is all about them. We must lover ourself just as much as our childeren. Ive seen it. Of course, when I did not receive it, I gently began to inquire about it once a week or so in an amiable manner. When it comes to sexual things we were on the same page. it makes me sad.. i pitty him but he can use this agains me when the monster comes back. This is 100% the TRUE WORDS OF A NARCISSISTI just left mine the 9th of july this yearit was a NIGHTMAREtotal Dr. Jekyll Mr.Hyde personality. Im still trying to get over a 10-year thing with a narc woman. I was still hurt about him going silent on me for six months (and not responding to my e-mail) but I was not searching for him online. The more constituted him being deported!! It also dawned to me how extremely immature she seemed for a 37 year old woman. It appears to be a mans number and the location was in his truck route so I know it was one of his trucker friends phone. Here are some of the statements you can expect your narcissist ex to make: The narcissist knows full well theyre crazy, and if you left, they know that you know. This morning, searching for a response to my ex narcissistic unmarried baby father, whos dumped me and left me to rott is now, after 7 month posting me with calls and text messages using his daughter as a tool to keep me locked and unable to move forward The first is if the other person left. Thankfully my friends noticed her awkward behavior and helped me put the puzzle together. Bruce, quite an interesting story. I just ignore it. I understand where youre coming from, but the frustrating truth is that each time you reach out to him it gives him validation that he is still on your mind and he derives great enjoyment from having the opportunity to tell you that its over. Theyll use this opportunity to butter you up and tell you how awesome you are, that theyre still in love with you, and if you cant be lovers, theyll settle for just friends. Defends me! He began finding hobbies and interests that would allow him to escape from the home, friends would call for help and there he would run. No sense being his friend. Im wondering if now the ex might start trying to contact me for real to try to rope me back in; Ive just started getting myself together and although i still wake up every morning with panic attacks, I just want my life back before i met ths fake person. I saw a photo of her brother online and realised it wasnt the guy in the car. That comment really rubs me the wrong way. I think why I am asking this , is because he used to accuse me of overreacting all the time and being clingy. It took this woman repeatedly telling me that I was abused for me to get it. If you notice subtle signs of the narcissists intent to return, ignore them and move on. I have been on and off with my ex for 5 years. And I have allowed it to go on for a very long time (can you say C-PSTD). Narcissists thrive off being in control, when you were a couple, they got a kick out of watching you ask, how high? after instructing you to jump. [] N will come back again and againafter initiating their silent treatment until you just cut them off. I love being your answer. (this is allowed by law, as opposed to you are the NPD, in this country, at least). As with all emotions, it can be used positively or negatively. It was definitely a setback for me as well, in many ways, but I do not view it as all bad because I really did and do care for you. Even tho I know his MO I still get hurt by the things he says and he has this ability to make me question everything I know to be true about him. Whenever her brother-in-law or sister comes into town, he uses his sister to get invitations to dinner (or invites himself) or drives past her nephews house to see if the brother-in-laws truck is in front of the house. PS. Then cussed him out in August when we finally spoke again. I go to the park next to my house in the morning before work to relax. I grew up with narcassism in my family. After telling him yet another crazy story about him, my bf informed me I had been under the clutches of a classic Narc. He texted me as a friend. Excellent writing again. They would lash out, stalk me, show extreme jealousy, etc. I was scared, i became sick, lost a lot of my hair and quickly fell away from all social contact with anyone. If I feel like answering I do. I literally have no idea. But it runs a lot deeper than that. I was so depressed. He didnt care anymore. In DSM more traditional view they both go to Cluster B, alongside with few others. This gives them a great advantage over us. settlement, yet he does not have a solicitor. for starters you will soon realize what you need to do for yourself to heal. And secondly, its YOUR life, your emotions and your risk at stakenot theirs. It has been 13 years? Some things cannot be faked. My god do I wish id have left things then but it sucked me in. I tried it. When he was leaving me, i asked him what he wanted to do with the brand new freezer hed bought me to replace mine that quit two months prior and he told me to keep it. Keep it that way. If you could read French and see his initial e-mails you might be able to understand how conflicted I am by all of this Miserable and dependent on them! -Alienation from family and/or friends I think they see the vulnerability, the good in people and exploit it. But, I took him back, through out our relationship he seemed so desperate for female attention, massive amounts of porn, talking about sex with girls, behind my back, secrets and lies that are now coming to shine. As a Christian, I dont want to have sex until I am married but I also wouldnt move in with someone either. In order to prove your love to a narcissist, you must surrender all power and control to them and become a real-life marionette, whose only purpose is to enhance the narcissists false image, take care of their every need, and accept their self-serving abuse. He was emotionally and verbally abuse telling me to shut up, the world would be a better place if I couldnt talk. Good Luck. I keep in touch how it goes when i hear from him. When I was down in the dumps with a reduced income she kicked me to the curb and then kicked me a few times. I married an alcoholic whom didnt stay in recovery. Now that was somethingIf I ever had doubts about him, I dont have them anymore. He said basically, youre describing a sociopath; Im not a liar and Im not crazy. Theyre not sincere friends if any of their support is conditional. 18 years late and I cant take this any more I do not know how to get away from this nightmare I have 2 daughters who r watching me fall apart .we spilt u 3 Years ago but everyday he breaks me down I have no one my mom was just as bad as he is. Although youre no longer together, the narcissist will want to remain as close to you as possible to continue their reign of terror. Have you just broken up with your narcissistic partner and cant seem to stop thinking about them? So with his proud. He is always looking for the ideal love but he will never have love in his life. lol I get that all the time, your mean to me, you talk to me worse then you do to a dog, you disrespect me you dont show me any loveyour right I am all those things now as I have put up walls to deal with your shit and your cheating so you know what buddyscrew youI am above you and all the crap. That he didnt mean to hurt me, never wants to see me hurt..but no apology. FreeAtLast, this is a common tactic of Narcissistsacting like I have been so horrible to him he cant stand to be in a room with me. He left. They fear strong women. yours may be BPD, but then its the psychopathicsorry the worst psycho. Keep preaching it my friend!!! Hes like so you dont care about the kids? Good luck. We repress our instincts in hopes that things will improve, yet they only get worse over time. Also, relationship between the BPD and NPD. She is a handbook case Histrionic. And not fair to myself. just to see how later she would emotionally and physically abuse me and turning everything on me. I recently divorced one after 20 years (I met him when I was 13 and divorced after ten years of marriage) and getting into another relationship that was the same..only Im 30 weeks pregnant. . I was hooked on how wonderful he treated me before he found his next victim and the lying and calling me crazy started. He doesnt know how NOT to lie, seek attention (va social media) and manipulate. You can only control yourself. But you need to know it wont be a normal post relationship friendship, you cant give the narcissist full access to your life or theyll destroy it. Be an adult.. 1. Just read it and also watch the videos. I love having a full-time, personal audience. Like my father was. They lasted 5 months and yes, she ended it, smart girl!!! She often would talk me up and compliment me more than usual after we would reconnect following a period of no contact as if it were her way of apologizing. I was hysterical and I called the police so they could help me get my belongings. She blocked me from social media and owes me $3,000, so the motive for her to stay away is pretty strong. I am so glad i observed without commenting in those early days, and still only use one private well hidden forum on a regular basis to this day. She will do the same thing to the new guy. Or even worse, that I will reflect that in a way other people around us will notice instead of playing along with the smoke and mirrors routine we used to do together. Im sure this has been a tough time for you, and it has been for me as well. Mine caused me two years of terror before divorcing me. I will always have the best side of him in my memories, so I honor that and try to be at peace with the rest. He was married before, and for what he tells me he left his ex wife because he was bored and she was whiny, she didnt like to do anything, etc He also told me he had an affair with his (then) best friends wife for 3 months. But the clincher is, he didnt know that I knew he ended their friendship..and during our last big argument he tried to say that they have a bond that most ppl wouldnt understand. Kim, Ive been reading your emails and writings for about a year. However, he was always emotionally putting me down, calling me stupid or crazy, or that my way of thinking was crazy. A few hours later, the second text came through: Did u get my earlier text? I didnt respond to either text. The peak end rule. Thats the tough part. I left my ex narc week ago and i keep reading about how they will try to win you back. I want her to get in contact, so that I can be the one to finally say , we are done. I turned to Pintrest for inspirational quotes to occupy my time and uplift me, when all of a sudden I start seeing articles about narcissism and I too felt like I was reading my life. In any case, I am going to pursue getting my money back through small claims. He doesnt want that getting out. They live across each other. Now i have anxiety from this al. There are plenty of normal, healthy friendships you can seek out, and I would suggest you do that. I went to court house for EPO and they couldnt do it, because he was silent for a week and wasnt threatening me etc. Anyhow, Im glad both of you men are posting here. In response to Jills comment, Oct 10 at 9:31 PM, Jill, there was something broken in them that we wanted to try and heal or at least help them through. Eden and tiredofliars8, WOW the idea, that he is possibly the BPD (borderline) came to me while I was reading the story. They are acctualy jealours of us because we can escape from the monster in him. I cannot describe the way he wrote me, how he behaved, all those words to make me feel so small. http://www.stovolando.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Screen-Shot-2013-11-10-at-20.06.04.png. I left my relationship and moved to another state to escape my situation. There is a hidden message in everything they say. I was only with my ex for four months, continued being friends with her the next eight months, and I am still suffering psychological pain from the incident. He had a steady and other liasons. PLEASE, DONT TAKE IT AS AN EXUSE, NC should be implemented, because WATEVER INTENTIONS ARE ONE CANNOT STAY IN RELATIONSIPS WITH BPD. Last year, an ex-colleague started to woo me. The basic difference (from all my obsessive reading and studying on this behavior) is that BPDs can feel empathy at times. His response: It is nothing, you are absolutely crazy, we just were having a good time. He talked and messaged 3 girls from his job continuously in the consecutive years. If you will just act like his friend for the sake of his image, then all will be well in his fake world. That judge has no clue the abuse and the wreckage that woman had done to me! February 8, 2021 by Zan. Thus resulting in devaluation of myself and allowing her to walk over me. His schedule does not allow for consistency.I apologize for the length and the mess that this submitted story is, but may I thank you for having this and giving me a voice and a way to air this. Disbelieve hurt, angry, could eat or sleep and had no strenght to go even to the toilet. Women can be Narcissists too and it is just as traumatic to a man as it is to a woman. How to Know If a Narcissist is Finished with You: 9 Sure Signs. She took a lot from me, and I cannot let her think that she can get away with this stuff all the time. Some of the stories she told people about me, made me seem, cheap, needy, aggressive, highly emotional or flat out crazy. Taking her money spendingit on me . She brought it up, and seemed happy that she was going to be sending me half of it. But on the other side.. I'm not going to contact them first, they'll have to contact me first. He gets no prize for that but it is a difference Ive noticed. He knows what I think of him. Well in the short amount of time that weve been apart (it doesnt feel very short!) He believes that I should return his devotion because in his mind he has never tried so hard with anyone. -A memory loss as to the actual happenings being discussed I cant believe this is my life ! I let my ex N in as a friend. Allow me to break it down for you: []. Walkern Windows and Homes / Blog / General / when the narcissist stops contacting you If you caught up with her about them, she would generally express remorse and apologize. And then you later found out that they were, in fact, in contact? I get it. My ex narc recently started calling and texting after 9 months of silence. Ive been through it, too. Helpt me with the car etc.. I sought therapy for the first time in my entire life after I left my N. I felt like I was losing my mind! . Hi lisa. This thought helps me in my recovery because it gives me all the answers I need. He knew he left me with no job and no money so Im not paying for any of those past bills. Wants the kids to see you both as friends. It may bec. So many people told me they felt that he had a personality disorder. Trust me, on the inside, this woman is an absolute enigma. While some of us are a little more narcissistic than others, very few people are actual . The narcissist knows this and will play on the weakness of their ex. Their partner saw past the mask, realized they were flawed and left. When a day goes by that I barely think of him, Im shocked and buoyed by the thought that I am getting closer to being over himbut then I will dream of him. I thought I had finally gotten over the crazy woman syndrome, and in fact had dated some very cool women over the last several years. Sent back a nasty email. I have a big heart, and this made it easier to play me and hurt me. It has been five months since I last spoke with her, four months since I received a text, and three months since she blocked me from facebook. She said, you know he is with a new lafy with kids lol. Keep reading Kims stuff as she is so knowledgeable with a huge heart for victims! With the exception of when we were actually dating, she never came around. So be careful. I meant no disrespect in my comments above, and I do apologize that it was taken that way. All those who read this please pray for me. Xx. But that I really didnt care, because at the time, I needed the support that he gave me and even though it was fake, it got me thru it. I lived with him for two years and then moved out because of the problems. -Financial Exploitation. Rod thanks for your input. I feel blessed to have found such support here reading. I dont deny that here were good and very bad times. I love myself through you. This woman you dated is pure slime. Where they accuse you of not making sense. I felt like I was a character in my own plot-twist movie. His kids are apparently very well behaved, and maybe he deals with her much like he does his kids. Ive been there , you get stuck into what he is doing instead of focusing on your which is soooo important. I dont know about the sex because he found it difficult to get it or keep it up towards the end of us as I was onto him and was setting boundaries, the stress was killing his libido I think, hence the reason this new target suits because she is careful and that suits him because he cant perform ? Am I bounding myself too much? He attempted a hoover January 2020. Yes, not all of them are equally sadistic, but only garden Narc is a neurotic type (neurotic means people, who can empathise). Upon reading it slowly As difficult as it may be, the best thing to do in this situation is to stop communications with the new girl friend. Well, I mulled over giving it to her because I made the mistake of picking up the phone and he tried to brow beat me into it but later, I thought it out.he bought it to replace my freezer which makes it a gift, so no, as much as I love his mother, in fact, it saddens me that she wont end up being my mother in law, I only told her about the freezer when I was unloading my plans to leave, which was a mistake. Its unsettling as well as infuriating. -An impossible repair as the disagreement gets deeper He has asked me repeatedly to call him but I have not because I have worked hard to get to a place where the pain is manageable and I know that I come first. I know him well and everything he does is planned ahead. Ignore it. So why the happy birthday text, then now when he saw me looking sexy, he has no communication? I want Information on winning a narcissist without no contact. They worked together, worked out together text upon waking and until it was time for bed. And every time I think to myself a real narcissist would never apologizewould never admit his frailty. But once I pick him upremind him of his valuetell him I believe in him and see his strengthits only a matter of days or weeks before he finds a reason to fight and the silent treatment begins. Often, in the process of self-discovery, we learn enough about ourselves to stop attracting and/or desiring people who are black holes. So all we have to do now is learn to Love Ourselves as much as we Loved them without them. We left without saying goodbye. My narc called me an alcoholic, bipolar, bad mum etc etc all in front of police whilst he was raging because i have hidden some assets and he tried to get them and they werent here si he called the police. I think about you all day during work and dream about you all night. I can relate, big time! I was taking the blme for things i never did .I loved quan deep down in my heart . See if there is a domestic violence center in your area. I do miss the good times which were few but not the bad ones. In the last year, he started being physically, emotionally, financially and even spiritually abusive. He told me he knew this but that it was a flight and it never will last long. He began down grading me, being very demeaning and almost hateful. It was like watching the cycles played over and over in my mind of the past 20 years!! This can happen until the passage of time breaks the chemical bond to them. Or there are the exs who the narcissist discarded, and theyre still nursing a broken heart. (This is my second marriage to one and tired of their nonsense- good luck!). She is right! In short, they never really let their exes go. Reading Suggestion: How to make a Narcissist Obsessed With You? I moved to dayton , ohio met a narcassist named quan i am a widow he sought me out . Over time the demands became more intense, he lost more and more interest in me. Think, after all he has said and done why give him the right to have access to any part of you and your life? You have to find a way to get your own closure. Funny, sexy, passionate to the point where I believed shed taught me what sex was. Not many, just a few. I have mine blocked but when I get the urge I switch to my Bible app and read James When I say Im in love with you, I love having someone beautiful to wear, like a new outfit. Instead, you should be grateful that someone accepts you as you are, and how dare you even think you can find someone better. Funny enough, that story I truly do not believe period. One of the reasons why they zero in on those with battered self esteem. I am embarrased. Just to demonstrate I am including a note from my ex too. Because as far as the experts are concerned; narcissists have dark personality traits, lack empathy and narcissists rarely change. A retired state trooper who is really sweet. I just want what is best for both of us, and at this point, I believe time apart is what is best. If i argued with her it would blow out of proportions and it would take weeks to rebuild the connection. She is either NPD or extreme BPD, but disordered for certain. She never paid a bill whilst she was there. Started punishing me . When he comes at that moment he makes everything alive again. Every single action employed by the narcissist stems from a pathological need to control others. I think its time for total no contact! We were together for 4 1/2 yrs. I was his hope. Narcs are not decent people and I am scared now what this contact means. I read them when I feel weak and vulnerable. Learn a new skill No matter what direction or action I take, someone will get hurt. I meet him 3 1/2 years ago, he was the most charming person Id every met my soul mate. He calls again..I wait then text him????. Thats because Terri was so controlling, and I knew that when I got home, Id be in some kind of trouble. Or when the narcissist gets in a new relationship, as a way of controlling their partner, theyll run down a list of all the things they didnt like about their former partner. He said he is happy with new girlfriend but thinks it would be good for us to be friends for the kids sakes. What did i find? They stayed together for 14 years and from what I can gather within that time there were affairs, a suicide attempt and an episode of post natal psychosis. But today and yesterday i miss him. When I finally put my foot down and opened my own bank accounts because I was tired of him keeping us broke I was being selfish. also they robbed me financially. Hurting you makes her feel better. Get help if you need to. No engagement is the best way to handle this kind of event. Finally it is on record. I think disordered women make far better/effective liars then men in general, so the pain can be even worse for a male victim. This is about THEM, All they need us for is to use us, lie to us, be nasty to us, verbally, emotionally & in some cases physically abuse us & dump all their hatred onto us, to make them feel bigger, stronger & better about themselves, and its all not their fault really I couldnt handle this so I blew up, he left me the second time over this woman, we divorced that year, he said he had fallen out of love with me because I had become this crazy non trusting woman, and I had hurt him to the poin that something had snapped inside. And you will be ready for it and you will survive and you will be the WINNER in the end. Why all those lies in the shop?. when he sees me strong wants me back just to see if he can. But i am so F.. volanerble I feel i am not over him yet. When meeting a new prospect, Id suggest the three strikes rule. However, out of the blue, your ex unblocked you but hasn't reached out. Anyways reading other peoples stories makes me feel better and cope with things better. They never change and will just do their best to suck you in and hurt you all over again. After he hit me with the garbage, I guess I reacted with instinct and hit him. He cheated on me with multiple people during my pregnancy and after I had my child. Narcissists have lots of deceptions up their sleeves. This means that 4-5 people out of 100 you know are these creatures!! When the next argument arises and it will, you will be devalued and discarded and its all your fault. Truth is that no one will understand the pain unless its experienced on his/her own. The moment youre down on your luck, the narcissist will use the hoovering tactic to suck you back in. Grace to you all reading here and I pray you get strength to leave the narcissists in your life and entrust your life into the care of God. Feeling rejected, (we all know how they hate that) he sent me a nasty email. He started distancing himself from me and going out late with friends, mostly girls.He withheld sex fro me often, to the point that we would have sex once every other month or 2 at most. The silent treatments. She tells me look on facebook you can see how happy we are. I have an instant attraction when I see him which is always long periods and not planned as he lives quite far from me. (what i have done, journaled privately, discussed with close friends and family, deleted social media and phone number, havent spoken a word to her.) You suffer from PTSD/C-PTSD, Trauma Bonding, Stockholm syndrome, crippling self-esteem, and depression. And in my mind it feels like if he walks behind me or is somewhere els in the shop. To answer your question, true Narcissists cannot be friends to anyone. And that the whole points. Always playing the victim card. He attached to me because I was easy prey. I will never be the same person again. He could make me doubt things Id seen with my own fucking eyes. chaotic and out of orderThank God i was one of the lucky onesI survived ! [] Narcissists must have a source of supply for their survival. I STARTED TO BELIEVE ALL THE UGLY THINGS HE SAID ABOUT ME. RodMan, thanks for your insight. The abuse, mind games, control stopped and my life went on. Borrowing my hard earned money and then disappearing a month later without paying me back, and blocking me from social media is inexcusable and unacceptable. Well after reading these messages.. He knows he is messed up and he apologized profusely for messing us up. I have a lot to offer a person that walks with me on my path of life. He plays the system well. I never said ALL of them.. What I said was they OFTEN are. Thanks! And he is holding on, believing I am the love of his life. Just think of it yourself. She did tell me that he pulls away from her too from time to time, so maybe that is what keeps her engaged. Obviously was with him. Her voice sounded as though she never left high school. Suddenly, all his love for me was gone and he couldnt trust me anymore (which was a joke since he never trusted me even though I never did anything to this man but Narcs never trust anyone because they project themselves onto everyone and know that they are not trustworthy). They become overly critical of you. When you hit the send button, you never thought the photo would be used against you in a million years. He met her and things scalated quickly to the point he is pretty much leaving me and our 3 year old. I am moving on. When I say Im in love with you I mean I love being your mystery, your riddle, being what keeps you up at night, your obsession.
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